One Anchor

You're two sentences into a conversation about somebody's holiday in Portugal when you realise you've stopped hearing it. Your eyes have gone across the room, to where your partner is standing with a glass, laughing at something you can't hear, next to a person you haven't met. You come back, nod, say, "That sounds lovely," and you've missed what was just said. A minute later, your eyes go again.

You're not doing anything wrong. Part of you keeps track of the person you're closest to, and it's doing it in a room full of people you don't know well. It doesn't need to be explained away. This one-page guide is for choosing your anchor before the next event, while nothing is happening.

This episode is about the tracking, not about how your partner behaves. This is a gentle experiment with no right result — some parties, your eyes will go twenty times and you'll still have been somewhere for part of it. This isn't a technique for managing your partner, and it isn't couples therapy, and it isn't a reason to stay home or to leave early. And if the difficulty isn't the room and is how your partner treats you in company, if you feel dismissed or humiliated, then this doesn't cover it and it's worth taking to someone who can sit with you or with both of you.

What's inside

A single page for the room where your body is in one conversation and your attention is in another.

• Six ways it can look — the sweep, the half conversation, the drift, the glance across, the warmth count, the exit plan
• A person — someone you're genuinely glad to talk to
• A job — pouring drinks, helping in the kitchen, carrying plates
• A spot — the doorway to the garden, a particular chair
• A reflection line for what you noticed

In each of them, your body is at the party and your attention is across the room.

The prompts are fillable — type straight into the page on your phone or laptop, and save it.